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Tag Archives: Mothering toddlers

The Lonely Bits of Motherhood

17 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by scatteredfashionista in Relationships

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loneliness, loneliness and motherhood, motherhood, Mothering toddlers

Yesterday morning one of the moms’ groups I belong to offered a Mom’s Morning Out (read: free babysitting) and I jumped at the chance. Now, I had no idea exactly how I would spend that time, but guilt-free free-time when you’re the budget-minded mother of a toddler is precious. Plus, the Little Butt loves playing with kids and going to “class,” so it was a win-win.

I ended up dropping him off and heading straight for Barnes & Noble. There I ordered a tall coffee, found a cozy chair in the café, and sat down to plan out my week. While this might sound boring to some, it just may have been the highlight of my month.

Rewind four years, and every Monday morning found me sitting in the leather armchair at Borders (how I miss that store, my second home), still sipping coffee and planning out my week, often with a friend, as I mentioned in this post. Even then, it was a bright point in my week. I just didn’t realize how sacred that time could be until it became a rare option.

I don’t think anyone ever made clear to me how lonely being the mother of just one child could make you. Some days I feel trapped, a slave to my extremely loved son’s basic needs for care, learning, and safety.Lonely motherhood on scatteredfashionista.wordpress.com

One would think, as the oldest of eight children, that I might have learned this from my mother. But by the time I was old enough to consider these possibilities, she also had a built-in babysitter: yours truly. While my mom took her role seriously and has sacrificed more than any woman I know, she still knew the pleasure of sneaking out for a two-hour shopping run or breakfast with a friend.

I can hear her whispering in my ear, This, too, shall pass.

Last week, when the Little Butt awoke and I realized that I would again miss a happily anticipated event due to another childhood cold, I sat at the kitchen table and cried—cried!—for thirty minutes. Even as I sat there—and even now as I write this—I felt ashamed by my weakness. But I also felt angry. Why did no one ever tell me how many times this would happen, preparing me for this stage of my life? And how did I enter motherhood so blindly?

All I know is this: I would not trade this loneliness as a mother for a full life without my son. And the loneliness I often feel can be used to make me stronger, and also more aware of and sensitive to the other lonely people in my life—perhaps those who are lonely because they have no little one to demand their attention, or no partner to share their life with. Sometimes I forget that there are even those who have never yet learned how to be a friend, and suffer from the supreme loneliness of having no one.

Yes, motherhood can be lonely, but it is a loneliness that I choose.

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Things I’ve Learned about Motherhood from My Cute and Trendy Mom Friends

27 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by scatteredfashionista in Fashion

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Tags

being a cute mom, fashion and motherhood, Mothering toddlers

Cute and Trendy Moms on scatteredfashionista.wordpress.comWhen I was pregnant, I entertained visions of being that mom with the perfectly done hair and makeup, wearing fashionable (and clean) clothes, carrying a designer handbag. This picture somewhat resembled my pre-pregnancy self, and I wondered why in the world would I have to change?

Please note: I had no dreams of a clean and coiffed child in overpriced (clean) clothing by my side. Oh no. I have seven younger siblings, remember, and four of them are of the male variety. I know where reality ends and fantasy begins.

Or so I thought.

My friend Hope had her fourth son over two months before mine was born, and I discovered secret number one from her. Not loving any of the diaper bags I found, I promised myself to adopt it.

Secret #1: Carry a diaper and wipes in your purse.

And adopt it I did. Along with toting an over-full diaper bag. Now that I have a toddler, he can carry his own emergency “pack-pack” and I have ditched the diaper bag on most occasions, but one must make allowance for the difference between the new and the experienced mommy.

When I met my friends Kristin and Tara last fall, each the mother of two preschoolers, I stood in awe of their sense of style as well as their maternal calm. I still do hold them in high esteem, but they, like Hope, have taught me several more mommy secrets. And I must admit, I was appalled when I first discovered Kristin’s secret.

Secret #2: Don’t carry a purse; carry a tote bag (as in a shared diaper bag for all your kids) and throw in your wallet.

What?!?! These three women are some of the cutest moms I know, and yet here Kristin had sacrificed cute for functional. Yet I had to admit, she pulled it off well. Kristin never looks like a pack horse, as I know I have when attempting to tote purse, diaper bag, and some other random “essentials” on my journeys.

But she and Tara had even more secrets to share.

Secret #3: Make sure whatever bag is your carry-all is a cross-body bag. If possible, let it be a backpack.Vary You crossbody purse on scatteredfashionista.wordpress.com

Here my inner diva began to scream. Cross-body? As in, wrapped across your chest, squashing jewelry and wrinkling clothes?

Oh yes. Because then you have both hands free to grab children, dispense snacks and drinks, and the bag is attached to one’s body should one need to make a hasty exit when (not if) meltdowns should occur.

Note yet again: last week I ordered a cross-body bag from Tara, a 31 consultant. It cannot arrive soon enough.

Secret #4: The mother of a toddler does not wear heels when taking her child to the mall. Or when taking her child anywhere, for that matter.Shoes to wear and shoes not to wear on scatteredfashionista.wordpress.com

No one in particular taught me this secret. Common sense told me it must be obeyed, and yet I rebelled. However, when one compares sweating in heels to being poised in ballet flats or—horrors!—tennis shoes, the flats have it.

Most likely those of you mothers out there know these secrets, but please do share them with your uninformed expectant or new moms. And remind them that being a professional mom beats winning Clinton and Stacy’s approval any day of the week. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

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